TACO FIXINS

(803): I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.


Make it happen. You will need:

1 avocado

1 large tomato

1 large red onion

several cloves of garlic

a bunch of cilantro

1 lime

a tablespoon or so olive oil

salt and pepper

1 tablespoonish salsa

GUAC

When you get an avocado, you want one that isn’t rock solid and has some give to it. However, Safeway will try to sell you ones that are so mushy they’re practically liquid inside-- don’t get that either. 

To open the avocado, you cut a longways seam around the entire thing, cutting all the way down to the pit. Holding each half, you should be able to pull the halves apart, but you might need to twist it a little bit. At any rate, you should end up with two halves, one with a pit in it. Hold the avocado in your hand, and smack/slice the pit using a big scary knife. The knife should get lodged in the pit and you can pull it out. Dump both avocado halves into a bowl.

To keep the avocado from turning brown, you need to add lime asap. Cut the lime in half, and zest/juice one half on top of the avocado.

Dice both tomato and onion pretty small. Add a heaping spoonful of each to the avocado, season liberally with salt and pepper, and mash with a fork. Add a spoonful of chopped cilantro and about a clove of minced garlic as well. You can add a spoonful of salsa if you want a little spice.

PICO DE GALLO

Throw the remainder of the tomato, onion, and chopped cilantro in another bowl. Zest/juice the other half of the lime. Add a splash of olive oil, a small clove of minced garlic, and salt/pepper and mix. Tastes best if you leave it in the fridge for an hour or so.

Because I really get off on stuff like this, I garnish both with a sprig of cilantro in the center. But it’s overkill and no one but me ever notices, so you probably shouldn’t bother.