DC CAKE MASTERPIECE

It happened! We graduated! Here is photo evidence if you don't believe me:

Right?! None of us saw it coming, either.

And I know what you're thinking. "Now they're all grown up and must have money and real things now." But for your sake, readers, Melissa took out millions of loans and just started medical school, and Erin is flying off to the desert to teach adorable kiddies in Bahrain. So you can rest assured things are going to stay weird for awhile.

In honor of our home for the last 4 years, and also Marc's long-awaited 21st birthday, we decided to attempt a Washington, DC cake. Here's what you're going to need:

1 box cake mix, and necessary ingredients
shredded coconut
2 cups white icing of your choice
assorted colors food coloring (blue and green, specifically)
sprinkles (blue and silver... because that's what we had leftover from the Pep Rally)
rice crispy treats... approximately 8, I think
toothpicks
crushed cocoa crispies (for dirt, there's a lot of other possibilities depending on what you've got around)
1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup shortening
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 pounds powdered sugar
(or buy fondant instead of the last 5 ingredients, but that's no fun)

This cake will require some time, so hide your work phone under your bed and ignore any short-tempered texts from Bossman Brian. First, one of you should mix up and bake that cake (in a brownie pan). You can get whatever cake you want, as it will be entirely covered in scenery. We used chocolate because we're very literal, and that's dirt-colored. Your other half should be busy fondant-making. Mix the corn syrup, shortening, salt, and vanilla together, then slowly mix in all of the powdered sugar. It will be difficult, and you will eventually throw up your spoon, yell "I'm doin it live!" and plunge your hands into this diabetes-inducing concoction. When mixed, put down a sheet of parchment paper sprinkled with powdered sugar, and roll it out using a sugared up wine bottle or rolling pin of your choice. The idea is to get it 1/8" thick, but just get it as thin as you reasonably can.

Show the fondant who's boss. 

While the fondant is being born, sculpture time! For the Washington Monument, cut 4 or 5 (I honestly don't remember, just get it to scale) rice crispy treats in half, and mash each half into a square before stacking them. Pack pretty firmly, you don't want it to crack halfway through the night's festivities. Use a knife to cut the pyramidal top, and create the sloped sides by using a table and some creativity. Lincoln is much more straightforward: 1 rice crispy, with a flattened half on top for the roof. Reinforce your architectural feats with toothpicks

#holycraphowisthisactuallyworking

These will need to be covered in fondant, which is both scary and arduous. We're clearly not professionals, but it worked well for us to drape sheets of fondant and then press them into place. Use a flat utensil (like this here knife) to smooth things out and erase fingerprints. For Washington, use a toothpick to outline bricks. For Lincoln, roll out 12 columns (4 front and back, 2 on each side). It's probably best to put these suckers on before doing the roof, because then you can drape the roofpiece over them and make it look like they're inside. Set the monuments aside when they're done, because you need to landscape first!

The key aspects of the landscape are grass, dirt, and water. Trace out where the Reflecting Pool is going first, and divide your icing into about 1:3 ratio for water:grass. Use food coloring accordingly. I thought it was easier to make the blue icing in a ziploc bag, because piping it makes it easier to control, and I added blue sprinkles into the water because I felt like it. Also for grass, dye some coconut green in a ziploc bag. Start at the outside with your green icing, and then pipe the blue icing into the reflecting pool (this order makes it easy to cover up mistakes in your Reflecting Pool!). Use a knife to make waves in the blue icing so people know it's water. And more sprinkles, always. Next, add the grass/coconut. Finally, use the crushed cocoa crispies to line the path around the water. It's easiest to do this with a spoon, and pour away from the blue icing. It's ok if some dirt ends up in the grass, it's an absolute disaster if it ends up in the water.

When the landscaping is complete, shove approximately a million toothpicks into the bottom of your monuments, and shove 'em in there. If the edges of the cake slope down, you might need to use some more rice crispy treat to prop it up. That's fine, just cover it up with some more coco-grass and you're fine.

I forgot! Make a reflection with the silver sprinkles! Reflecting Pool!!!!

Also, as always, enjoy with lots of friends!

Happy 21st!!!!!!!

rejection cookies. healthy rejection cookies.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Wow Kilbride. WOMP. To which I say, you knew you were reading a cooking blog written by college seniors in the height of their job-seeking neurosis. So deal with it. That said, I wanted to make healthy rejection cookies because unemployed and fat is just too much for me to handle. And we descend on the Dominican in 34 days. Wallowing in self pity is no excuse to use more butter than Paula Dean. As such, I give thee: healthy rejection cookies. In all lower case because you're sad and without job.

Scavenge & secure:

1 cup Whole wheat flour
little baking powder
little salt
1 cup instant oats
1/2 stick butter
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup white sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar
little vanilla
egg
a rejection-appropriate amount of chocolate chips

You know how this works. All the dry stuff (first part of the list thru the oats) goes in a medium bowl. Soften the butter in a big bowl in the microwave, add oil, sugars, vanilla, and the egg. Mix til its all smooth and such. Add in all the dry stuff, taking time to appreciate how healthy you are despite your propensity for life-long failure. And hyperbole.

rejection. now with fewer calories.

Once its all mixed add in unseemly amounts of chocolate chips. Which you can do because your saintly roommate stocked up during last week's string of rejections. Old rejected selves lookin out for new rejected selves. Classic.

Eat most of the cookie dough. Bake whats left for 15ish minutes on 350 degrees. Pass out to roomies, accept their assurance that rejection cookies are yummy. Small victories.

peace.love.summerhousing2012herewecome

TRIFLE: white chocolate mint brownie magic

Think brownies, white chocolate mint mousse, chocolate pudding, and holiday happiness. You will haz all the happy. I promise.

Okay so, the prelude to this one's gonna come atchu in steps. Cause I like numbers and lists.

Step 1. Ship your twin off to Africa.
Step 2. Wallow in hopeless, dark despair for 3 months. Conclude only possible respite is preparing a trifle for her glamorous homecoming.
Step 3. Violently desire trifle dish. Search everywhere, high / low, near / far, hither / yon, etc.
Step 4. Fail miserably. Realize no one knows what you're talking about, and find no such dish. Settle back into grief and self loathing.
Step 5. Recall that you tutor for fancy Georgetown family. Upon next visit to their mansion, casually mention your casual need for a trifle dish. Be slightly disappointed when they don't have one you can borrow. Sadness.
Step 6. Wake up next morning to discover fancy Georgetown mom standing outside your door with not one, but TWO brand new trifle dishes. Express genuine, unabated glee. Truly, a Christmas miracle.

And now onto trifle making. Ingredients:

Boxed brownie mix (plus the eggs / oil / water it says you need)
Heavy cream
4 egg yolks
Sugar
White chocolate chips
2 packages Chocolate Pudding mix (plus the milk it says you need)
Brand new trifle dish
Leo's mints, stolen
Arab slave helper
Mint extract

White Chocolate Mint Mousse: The night before you want to have the trifle ready, you make the mousse. From scratch. Seriously. Start by beating 4 eggs yolks with an electric mixer (I know, I always use a fork too, but for this its actually important. Unless you have a bionic arm.) Add in 1/4 cup of white sugar.

Heat up one cup of the heavy whipping cream in a small pot on the stove (note: a real recipe would invoke the term "saucepan" here ... but who the hell has ever made sauce in one of those?). Don't let it boil or anything, just until its hot. Put half of it into the egg/sugar bowl, mix, then add that all back to the remaining cream in the pot. Continue cooking this creamy egg stuff for a few minutes over low heat STIRRING CONSTANTLY. Add in the white chocolate chips, stirring until they melt. Now, I missed that part about stirring constantly. And yes, that did mean that I had, temporarily, concocted not white chocolate mousse, but white chocolate scrambled eggs. It was heartbreaking. So yeah. Don't do that. Stir constantly bitches.

Refrigerate the above masterpiece (covered) for about 2 hours. Now beat 1 and a 1/2 cups of heavy whipping cream in a bowl, fold this into the now-cold egg mixture. Cover, and put this whole thing into the frig again, leave it there overnight.

Brownies: Do what it says on the box. Cool completely. Like actually completely. Again, I never follow that direction but this time its important. This is an excellent time to utilize your Arab kitchen slave, if he isn't busy with vegetables, which they often are.

And he won't mind, because his other option was working with crazy meat lady:

Chocolate pudding: Again, read box instructions. Follow them. Now take a second to breathe, cause shits about to get real.

Magic & Mystery: Because you follow directions perfectly and allowed the brownies to cool (before your roommate ripped them out to make broccoli something-or-other in the pan), you can easily cut them all into small one inch rectangley-square things. Arrange half of these in a gorgeous circle on the bottom of your trifle dish (having settled on the smaller dish at the recommendation of your Arab. They're good with spacial reality.) Fill in small holes in the brownie circle with more brownie, obvi. Now spoon half of the chocolate pudding on top of the brownie layer and smooth out. Thats layer #2. WOW.

Next, get ambitious, and add a few teaspoons of mint extract to your mouse, gently mix it in. Now spoon half of your MAGICAL MOUSSE YOU MADE FROM SCRATCH into the trifle as your third layer. Repeat the brownie-pudding-mousse layers, pausing to absolutely flip out before the second layer of brownies because you don't know if they'll sink and ruin the whole thing. Another great job for your Arab: taking initiative and really gettin' after it with the second brownie layer, fearless.

After 2 or 3 victory laps around the house and squealing for your twin's approval, put the finished trifle in the frig and go to the gym. Cause you're gonna get fat tonight.

On the way back from the gym, casual saunter into Leo's and steal some of their red and white mints. Hide them in your Nalgene, and GTFO.

At home, put the mints in a plastic bag, and beat them with the back end of scissors (because you can't seem to locate a mallet). Sprinkle on trifle. Succumb to your child like glee (and apparent psychosis):

SERVE AND BE DELIGHTED. HAPPY HOLIDAYS FRIENDS.

p.s. as always, photocred to Erica Begoun.