HEART HEALTHY PUMPKIN GINGERBREAD

When I come home for the holidays, I wreck havoc on my poor dad’s diet. A couple pounds of butter, a bag or two of sugar, two dozen eggs… and then all of the sudden there are six dozen cookies in the kitchen and I’m whisked back to school leaving all of them for him. So when I got home this week full of pent-up baking energy, Mom not-so-subtly suggested I maybe try something a little more healthy. So here I go, vegan pumpkin bread.

Scrounge the following from the dusty empty-nest shelves of your childhood home:

1 2/3 cup flour

1/3 cup oatmeal

1 tsp baking soda

¼ tsp baking powder

½ tsp salt

1 ½ tsp ground ginger

1 tsp cinnamon

andddd about another tsp of a nutmeg-allspice-cloves-cardamom mixture

1 tsp vanilla

½ cup brown sugar

1/3 cup water (or chai tea, because it’s yummy)

1 cup pumpkin puree

¾ cup applesauce (about 2 medium apples**)

¼ cup canola oil

**Don’t have applesauce? Peel and dice two medium apples, and add enough water to cover them. Boil for about 15-20 minutes, drain, and mash with a fork or potato masher. Boom, applesauce.

Mix applesauce, canola oil, pumpkin, vanilla, chai, sugar, and spices. My mom and I tried to estimate what we did with spices, but really just add stuff until it tastes right. She insists there’s a point where you do too much, but I haven’t found it yet.

In another bowl, mix the flour, oatmeal, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Add this gradually to the wet mixture, little bits at a time.

Pour the batter into a greased and floured 9x5 loaf pan, and bake at 375 for about 50 minutes. Even if a toothpick comes out clean, the bread is ridiculously m**st (edited for you, Kilbride- ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?)

SQUASH-Y MUFFINS

Now, if my one week of medical education has taught me anything, it’s that we’re all eventually going to get diabetes and die. Especially if you have eaten anything documented in this blog. Actually, you’re probably developing insulin resistance with every sentence you’ve read.

Thus armed with a healthy dose of fear, this week’s stress-baking was sort of disturbingly healthy. But delicious, I promise. Don’t freak out.

Get a squash.

I used a carnival squash, and took this rather artsy picture below. But in general you want a sweeter one, butternut or acorn or a pumpkin or something. Other things you need:

1 tablespoon butter (That’s it! Super healthy!)

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup white sugar

2 eggs

a generous spoonful of cinnamon

healthy sprinkle nutmeg

anddddd sprinkle ginger powder, why not? Add to taste, people.

1/2 cup oatmeal

2 cups flour

if you’re not using self-rising flour: 2 tsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp salt

From a local farm, because now I do things like that.

Hokay, so first things first, you gotta cook that squash. I saw several different ways to do this- two of the most popular were 1) dicing/boiling and 2) roasting. I would have lost a finger if I tried to dice it, so I went with option number two. Cut it in half and scoop out the inside seeds and goop (like prepping a Jack-o-lantern). Spray some Pam on a baking sheet and put the halves hollow-side down. Roast in the oven at 350 for as long as it takes to watch an episode of True Blood on a unreliable internet connection (an hour? maybe?). You can put a pie plate of water in the oven at the same time. This keeps things hydrated and makes you seem professional.

When done, you should get about a cup of mashed squash. Mix in your butter, sugar, spices, and eggs. Let the batter cool a little before you add the eggs... you don’t want to accidently scramble them. Finally, mix in the oatmeal and flour/baking soda mixture. It’s going to be really, really thick batter- almost like cookie dough. This seems weird until you remember how much fiber you’ve crammed in there. Disturbingly healthy, I told you.  That’s like negative cholesterol.

Anyway, fill muffin tins about 2/3, and sprinkle some granola on top if you feel ambitious. Bake at 400 for 15 minutes, and don’t tell anyone they have vegetables in them until AFTER they’ve tried them. Trust me.

Noms^

DC CAKE MASTERPIECE

It happened! We graduated! Here is photo evidence if you don't believe me:

Right?! None of us saw it coming, either.

And I know what you're thinking. "Now they're all grown up and must have money and real things now." But for your sake, readers, Melissa took out millions of loans and just started medical school, and Erin is flying off to the desert to teach adorable kiddies in Bahrain. So you can rest assured things are going to stay weird for awhile.

In honor of our home for the last 4 years, and also Marc's long-awaited 21st birthday, we decided to attempt a Washington, DC cake. Here's what you're going to need:

1 box cake mix, and necessary ingredients
shredded coconut
2 cups white icing of your choice
assorted colors food coloring (blue and green, specifically)
sprinkles (blue and silver... because that's what we had leftover from the Pep Rally)
rice crispy treats... approximately 8, I think
toothpicks
crushed cocoa crispies (for dirt, there's a lot of other possibilities depending on what you've got around)
1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup shortening
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 pounds powdered sugar
(or buy fondant instead of the last 5 ingredients, but that's no fun)

This cake will require some time, so hide your work phone under your bed and ignore any short-tempered texts from Bossman Brian. First, one of you should mix up and bake that cake (in a brownie pan). You can get whatever cake you want, as it will be entirely covered in scenery. We used chocolate because we're very literal, and that's dirt-colored. Your other half should be busy fondant-making. Mix the corn syrup, shortening, salt, and vanilla together, then slowly mix in all of the powdered sugar. It will be difficult, and you will eventually throw up your spoon, yell "I'm doin it live!" and plunge your hands into this diabetes-inducing concoction. When mixed, put down a sheet of parchment paper sprinkled with powdered sugar, and roll it out using a sugared up wine bottle or rolling pin of your choice. The idea is to get it 1/8" thick, but just get it as thin as you reasonably can.

Show the fondant who's boss. 

While the fondant is being born, sculpture time! For the Washington Monument, cut 4 or 5 (I honestly don't remember, just get it to scale) rice crispy treats in half, and mash each half into a square before stacking them. Pack pretty firmly, you don't want it to crack halfway through the night's festivities. Use a knife to cut the pyramidal top, and create the sloped sides by using a table and some creativity. Lincoln is much more straightforward: 1 rice crispy, with a flattened half on top for the roof. Reinforce your architectural feats with toothpicks

#holycraphowisthisactuallyworking

These will need to be covered in fondant, which is both scary and arduous. We're clearly not professionals, but it worked well for us to drape sheets of fondant and then press them into place. Use a flat utensil (like this here knife) to smooth things out and erase fingerprints. For Washington, use a toothpick to outline bricks. For Lincoln, roll out 12 columns (4 front and back, 2 on each side). It's probably best to put these suckers on before doing the roof, because then you can drape the roofpiece over them and make it look like they're inside. Set the monuments aside when they're done, because you need to landscape first!

The key aspects of the landscape are grass, dirt, and water. Trace out where the Reflecting Pool is going first, and divide your icing into about 1:3 ratio for water:grass. Use food coloring accordingly. I thought it was easier to make the blue icing in a ziploc bag, because piping it makes it easier to control, and I added blue sprinkles into the water because I felt like it. Also for grass, dye some coconut green in a ziploc bag. Start at the outside with your green icing, and then pipe the blue icing into the reflecting pool (this order makes it easy to cover up mistakes in your Reflecting Pool!). Use a knife to make waves in the blue icing so people know it's water. And more sprinkles, always. Next, add the grass/coconut. Finally, use the crushed cocoa crispies to line the path around the water. It's easiest to do this with a spoon, and pour away from the blue icing. It's ok if some dirt ends up in the grass, it's an absolute disaster if it ends up in the water.

When the landscaping is complete, shove approximately a million toothpicks into the bottom of your monuments, and shove 'em in there. If the edges of the cake slope down, you might need to use some more rice crispy treat to prop it up. That's fine, just cover it up with some more coco-grass and you're fine.

I forgot! Make a reflection with the silver sprinkles! Reflecting Pool!!!!

Also, as always, enjoy with lots of friends!

Happy 21st!!!!!!!

PEANUT BUTTER PRETZEL BROWNIES

It’s summer, and we’re back, bitchez. Because we have loads of free time, and our menfolk just loaded up with more baking supplies than our post-Senior Week bodies are prepared to deal with. (Sidenote: stop by H206 and eat our food. Please.)

You will need:

2 1/2 cups crushed pretzels

1 stick butter

1 box brownie mix and associated ingredients

2 tablespoons butter

a splash of milk (sorry, I made this up, I don’t know)

3/4 cup creamy peanut butter

a cup of chocolate chips? no idea

First thing is pretzel crust. Crush pretzels and mix with 1 stick melted butter. Press into the bottom of a brownie pan and bake at 350 for like 7 minutes, until kinda crispy. Do not dump baked pretzels into the bottom of the oven, as this will fill the kitchen with smoke and put you at risk of setting off sprinklers the second night you’re in the apartment.

Crusing pretzels. Also, keep an eye out for our new blog: Cooking and Cleavage.

Pretzel crush. And more cleavage, cause Erin loves her friends.

While that’s hopefully not happening, mix up brownie mix. When the crust is done (not being scraped out of the bottom of your heated oven with a cheese grater and cookie sheet), pour brownie mix on top and bake for what your box suggests.

Definitely don't turn off the oven- that wastes time.

Now time for ganache! Put the last 4 ingredients in a microwave safe bowl, and heat for 30 seconds. Stir. Do another 30 seconds. Taste. Marvel. While brownies are warm, spread ganache on top and add toppings (chocolate chips, Reese’s pieces, pretzels). Refrigerate to set ganache, and cut with a plastic knife when cool.

PI DAY CHOCOLATE MINT PIE

I woke up thinking it was just an ordinary Wednesday, but a “Happy Pi Day! What are you baking?!” text reminded me about this glorious holiday. And by glorious, I mean mostly celebrated in accelerated and honors math classes. I didn’t have time to go to Safeway, so this baby is thrown together with whatever we had around the house at the time. Feed your inner nerd with the following:

half a box of Girl Scout thin mints

2 to 3 tablespoons butter

1 box instant pudding (used sugar-free to balance out the GSC)

1 carton vanilla yogurt

1 1/2 cups milk

smidge peppermint extract (really, like a drop)

pretty sprinkles

In case you need ANOTHER reason to buy Girl Scout cookies. Besides pie.

Start by smushing your cookies. I used my fingers, because I’m an animal. You could alternatively use... a fork? a food processor? I don’t know what kids are doing these days. You want itty bitty crumbs. Melt your butter, and mix it in there. Pack the crumbs into the bottom of a greased pie plate and bake at 350 for... 7 minutes. Or so. You just want to make it a little crispy.

In the meantime, combine instant pudding mix, yogurt, milk, and peppermint extract. Whisk. It’ll get really thick really fast, so don’t be scared. When your crust is moderately cooled, scoop pudding on top and spread it out. Sprinkle with sprinkles, and lick the bowl while the pie is setting in the fridge. Or eat immediately. I don’t have pictures... it all disappeared fairly quickly, sorry!

ERIC BEGOUN: FIREMASTER

Our housemate and beloved photographer Eric couldn't be home for Mardi Gras this year, so he brought a little bit of NOLA back to the District in the form of Bananas Foster. Here is his guest blog, and if you have one of your own you would like to contribute, email us!

"In keeping with all things New Orleans, I brought back some beads from Mardi Gras and an itching to have some real New Orleans desserts. Case-in-point: Bananas Foster!  This dessert was invented at Brennan's Restaurant in New Orleans, and it is most often prepared tableside for a show of fire and deliciousness.  It's also pretty easy to make!

4 servings:
¼ cup (½ stick) butter
1 cup brown sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ cup banana liqueur (we used Creme de Banane)
4 bananas, cut in half lengthwise
¼ cup rum (we used dark but light is okay)
4 scoops vanilla ice cream

Start off with by melting your butter and brown sugar in a large and deep saucepan over low eat.  While that's melting into the most delicious syrup ever, prep your bananas by cutting them in half lengthwise.  When your mixture is good and melted, add your banana liquor and rum alcohols to the pan and let heat for a bit.  When it's good and bubbly, add the bananas and top with cinnamon.

Mmmm rummmmm

THEN HERE COMES THE COOL PART.  Once everything is cooking together, CAREFULLY light the rum in the pan with a long lighter.  Be careful of shooting blue flames and your body parts [in fancy cooking terms, this is called flambé].  While the alcohol is burning off, scoop vanilla ice cream into individual bowl servings.  When the alcohol has completely burned off the flames, quickly scoop the the bananas (2 halves per person) and some extra sauce over the ice cream.

Then sit back, relax, pretend you are watching a Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans, and ENJOY."

VALENTINES BOURBON BALLS

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty damn adorable. And so are these Valentine’s Day cake balls. Also, let’s be real, these get back to the heart and soul of the crackden: alcoholic dessert.

This was my first time making cake balls, so there was some ghetto cooking that went on. Also a pretty steep learning curve... If you haven’t done this before, just plan on cringing at the sight of the first few and passing them off on a non-judgmental roommate. Skip over to Safeway/Waggie’s and procure the following:

Red Velvet cake mix plus necessary ingredients

Cream cheese icing

Chocolate chips

liiiiiiitle bit of butter

Bourbon 

Girly pink sprinkles

First thing mix and bake your cake, you’re going to have to let it completely cool before you can move on. When it’s entirely cool, crumble the cake into a very large bowl. The recipe I had consulted for this recommended 1/4 cup of bourbon... but you should about triple that. If it’s supposed to taste like bourbon, it should actually taste like bourbon. Next, mix in your icing. Because you added more bourbon, take it a little easy on the icing, and don’t quite add all of the container. Mix thoroughly, and put in the freezer until it gets firm.

Use this as an opportunity to rearrange your freezer, because you will need a LOT of room, and cover two cookie sheets in wax paper. When the cake/icing mix is firm-ish, use your hands to roll spoonfuls into 1 inch balls and put the trays back into the freezer for another hour. If they look kinda fuzzy or spikey when you take them out, that’s fine, just re-roll to smooth them out and re-freeze for a bit.

In the meantime, melt your chocolate with a few tablespoons of butter in a double-boiler. In case you haven’t melted chocolate like this before, you need a pot filled with simmering water on the stove, and you place a metal bowl filled with the chocolate chips on top of that. 

**Note: I consulted with Alissa, who is an expert in cake balls, and she says that chocolate chips are actually pretty hard to work with (after this, I would agree). You’re better off with candy melts or almond bark. However, chocolate chips are definitely easier to find, so there’s trade offs.**

Toss a frozen cake ball in, and use a fork to roll it around to get it coated and to scoop it out onto your wax papered cookie sheet. Because of all the booze, they’re not quite as firm as normal cake balls, so be gentle. Immediately sprinkle with girly pink sprinkles, because chocolate chips set pretty quickly. You might need to re-freeze the cake balls if they’re getting too soft to work with,  I had to do that a couple of times and it makes them much easier to work with.

Messy, but delicious.

You’re done when you run out of chocolate or balls, whichever comes first. Freeze overnight to make sure everything sets, and offer up to all of your loved ones to celebrate :)

"You need one with the bourbon!" -Kate, our lovely and talented photographer