SQUASH-Y MUFFINS

Now, if my one week of medical education has taught me anything, it’s that we’re all eventually going to get diabetes and die. Especially if you have eaten anything documented in this blog. Actually, you’re probably developing insulin resistance with every sentence you’ve read.

Thus armed with a healthy dose of fear, this week’s stress-baking was sort of disturbingly healthy. But delicious, I promise. Don’t freak out.

Get a squash.

I used a carnival squash, and took this rather artsy picture below. But in general you want a sweeter one, butternut or acorn or a pumpkin or something. Other things you need:

1 tablespoon butter (That’s it! Super healthy!)

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup white sugar

2 eggs

a generous spoonful of cinnamon

healthy sprinkle nutmeg

anddddd sprinkle ginger powder, why not? Add to taste, people.

1/2 cup oatmeal

2 cups flour

if you’re not using self-rising flour: 2 tsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp salt

From a local farm, because now I do things like that.

Hokay, so first things first, you gotta cook that squash. I saw several different ways to do this- two of the most popular were 1) dicing/boiling and 2) roasting. I would have lost a finger if I tried to dice it, so I went with option number two. Cut it in half and scoop out the inside seeds and goop (like prepping a Jack-o-lantern). Spray some Pam on a baking sheet and put the halves hollow-side down. Roast in the oven at 350 for as long as it takes to watch an episode of True Blood on a unreliable internet connection (an hour? maybe?). You can put a pie plate of water in the oven at the same time. This keeps things hydrated and makes you seem professional.

When done, you should get about a cup of mashed squash. Mix in your butter, sugar, spices, and eggs. Let the batter cool a little before you add the eggs... you don’t want to accidently scramble them. Finally, mix in the oatmeal and flour/baking soda mixture. It’s going to be really, really thick batter- almost like cookie dough. This seems weird until you remember how much fiber you’ve crammed in there. Disturbingly healthy, I told you.  That’s like negative cholesterol.

Anyway, fill muffin tins about 2/3, and sprinkle some granola on top if you feel ambitious. Bake at 400 for 15 minutes, and don’t tell anyone they have vegetables in them until AFTER they’ve tried them. Trust me.

Noms^

DC CAKE MASTERPIECE

It happened! We graduated! Here is photo evidence if you don't believe me:

Right?! None of us saw it coming, either.

And I know what you're thinking. "Now they're all grown up and must have money and real things now." But for your sake, readers, Melissa took out millions of loans and just started medical school, and Erin is flying off to the desert to teach adorable kiddies in Bahrain. So you can rest assured things are going to stay weird for awhile.

In honor of our home for the last 4 years, and also Marc's long-awaited 21st birthday, we decided to attempt a Washington, DC cake. Here's what you're going to need:

1 box cake mix, and necessary ingredients
shredded coconut
2 cups white icing of your choice
assorted colors food coloring (blue and green, specifically)
sprinkles (blue and silver... because that's what we had leftover from the Pep Rally)
rice crispy treats... approximately 8, I think
toothpicks
crushed cocoa crispies (for dirt, there's a lot of other possibilities depending on what you've got around)
1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup shortening
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 pounds powdered sugar
(or buy fondant instead of the last 5 ingredients, but that's no fun)

This cake will require some time, so hide your work phone under your bed and ignore any short-tempered texts from Bossman Brian. First, one of you should mix up and bake that cake (in a brownie pan). You can get whatever cake you want, as it will be entirely covered in scenery. We used chocolate because we're very literal, and that's dirt-colored. Your other half should be busy fondant-making. Mix the corn syrup, shortening, salt, and vanilla together, then slowly mix in all of the powdered sugar. It will be difficult, and you will eventually throw up your spoon, yell "I'm doin it live!" and plunge your hands into this diabetes-inducing concoction. When mixed, put down a sheet of parchment paper sprinkled with powdered sugar, and roll it out using a sugared up wine bottle or rolling pin of your choice. The idea is to get it 1/8" thick, but just get it as thin as you reasonably can.

Show the fondant who's boss. 

While the fondant is being born, sculpture time! For the Washington Monument, cut 4 or 5 (I honestly don't remember, just get it to scale) rice crispy treats in half, and mash each half into a square before stacking them. Pack pretty firmly, you don't want it to crack halfway through the night's festivities. Use a knife to cut the pyramidal top, and create the sloped sides by using a table and some creativity. Lincoln is much more straightforward: 1 rice crispy, with a flattened half on top for the roof. Reinforce your architectural feats with toothpicks

#holycraphowisthisactuallyworking

These will need to be covered in fondant, which is both scary and arduous. We're clearly not professionals, but it worked well for us to drape sheets of fondant and then press them into place. Use a flat utensil (like this here knife) to smooth things out and erase fingerprints. For Washington, use a toothpick to outline bricks. For Lincoln, roll out 12 columns (4 front and back, 2 on each side). It's probably best to put these suckers on before doing the roof, because then you can drape the roofpiece over them and make it look like they're inside. Set the monuments aside when they're done, because you need to landscape first!

The key aspects of the landscape are grass, dirt, and water. Trace out where the Reflecting Pool is going first, and divide your icing into about 1:3 ratio for water:grass. Use food coloring accordingly. I thought it was easier to make the blue icing in a ziploc bag, because piping it makes it easier to control, and I added blue sprinkles into the water because I felt like it. Also for grass, dye some coconut green in a ziploc bag. Start at the outside with your green icing, and then pipe the blue icing into the reflecting pool (this order makes it easy to cover up mistakes in your Reflecting Pool!). Use a knife to make waves in the blue icing so people know it's water. And more sprinkles, always. Next, add the grass/coconut. Finally, use the crushed cocoa crispies to line the path around the water. It's easiest to do this with a spoon, and pour away from the blue icing. It's ok if some dirt ends up in the grass, it's an absolute disaster if it ends up in the water.

When the landscaping is complete, shove approximately a million toothpicks into the bottom of your monuments, and shove 'em in there. If the edges of the cake slope down, you might need to use some more rice crispy treat to prop it up. That's fine, just cover it up with some more coco-grass and you're fine.

I forgot! Make a reflection with the silver sprinkles! Reflecting Pool!!!!

Also, as always, enjoy with lots of friends!

Happy 21st!!!!!!!