SQUASH-Y MUFFINS

Now, if my one week of medical education has taught me anything, it’s that we’re all eventually going to get diabetes and die. Especially if you have eaten anything documented in this blog. Actually, you’re probably developing insulin resistance with every sentence you’ve read.

Thus armed with a healthy dose of fear, this week’s stress-baking was sort of disturbingly healthy. But delicious, I promise. Don’t freak out.

Get a squash.

I used a carnival squash, and took this rather artsy picture below. But in general you want a sweeter one, butternut or acorn or a pumpkin or something. Other things you need:

1 tablespoon butter (That’s it! Super healthy!)

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup white sugar

2 eggs

a generous spoonful of cinnamon

healthy sprinkle nutmeg

anddddd sprinkle ginger powder, why not? Add to taste, people.

1/2 cup oatmeal

2 cups flour

if you’re not using self-rising flour: 2 tsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp salt

From a local farm, because now I do things like that.

Hokay, so first things first, you gotta cook that squash. I saw several different ways to do this- two of the most popular were 1) dicing/boiling and 2) roasting. I would have lost a finger if I tried to dice it, so I went with option number two. Cut it in half and scoop out the inside seeds and goop (like prepping a Jack-o-lantern). Spray some Pam on a baking sheet and put the halves hollow-side down. Roast in the oven at 350 for as long as it takes to watch an episode of True Blood on a unreliable internet connection (an hour? maybe?). You can put a pie plate of water in the oven at the same time. This keeps things hydrated and makes you seem professional.

When done, you should get about a cup of mashed squash. Mix in your butter, sugar, spices, and eggs. Let the batter cool a little before you add the eggs... you don’t want to accidently scramble them. Finally, mix in the oatmeal and flour/baking soda mixture. It’s going to be really, really thick batter- almost like cookie dough. This seems weird until you remember how much fiber you’ve crammed in there. Disturbingly healthy, I told you.  That’s like negative cholesterol.

Anyway, fill muffin tins about 2/3, and sprinkle some granola on top if you feel ambitious. Bake at 400 for 15 minutes, and don’t tell anyone they have vegetables in them until AFTER they’ve tried them. Trust me.

Noms^

its-this-or-my-thesis COCOA APPLE MUFFINS

Alright just roll with it. I could either sit down with a giant PDF full of Foucault and human rights law, or I could combine our lack luster ingredient shelves into Monday night calories of joy. Which are my really favorite kind. Of calories and of joy.

I'm literally going to make this up as we go, so here's your play by play. Rummage through your cabinets, find the magic bullet you shoved in there cause it was cluttering up your counter, and fill it with two small apples (cubed). And one... two... THREE.... APPLESAUCE!! Maybe when I'm still unemployed next year, Magic Bullet infomercials will hire me.

So put the apple sauce (should still have chunks) in a large bowl with an egg. Add 4 tablespoons of melted butter and 1 cup sugar. Now reconsider your plan when roommate proposes putting hot cocoa powder in the mix. And fuck it, this is your recipe, you do you. Add 1/3 cup hot cocoa powder. Seriously.

Realize you don't have Michael Buble's Christmas Album on. Put it on.

In another bowl, combine 1 and 1/4 cup of flour, 1/2 tsp of cinnamon, 1/4 tsp baking powder, and (ready for this?? I'm so excited), 1/4 tsp of chili powder! BOOM.

Add half the dry bowl to the wet, mix, then the other half, mix. Taste batter, notice it tastes like A CHAI LATTE. Squeal with glee and this unexpected turn of events. Put in muffins tins (greased or lined with paper) and bake on 375 for.... TBD. I'll get back to you.

**wait wait wait wait wait pretend to write paper wait wait wait**

Okay so it seems to take about 12 minutes. And they're yummy!!

boredinmaine FLOURLESS PUMPKIN MUFFINS

What on Earth does one do with canned pumpkin left over from the world's greatest pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, no flour, and an insatiable desire to make muffins? An excellent question. In short, one recognizes one's useless supply of oatmeal and decides to get cray cray. Cause what the hell else are you doing?

 Ingredients:
3/4 cup pumpkin (...ish. Whatever is leftover from cookies)
1 cup sugar (...ish. Whatever is leftover from boredom-induced Maine baking frenzy)
1 egg
1/4 cup oil
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup instant oatmeal
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt (does anyone seriously measure salt?)
nutmeg (just shake it. Settle down, it'll all work out fine. people baked before they invented the teaspoon. i think.)
cinnamon (see above)
dregs of flour left at bottom of bag. (fine I guess they aren't technically flourless)

Dump pumpkin, white sugar, egg, and oil in small bowl. Mix. Put oatmeal, brown sugar, baking powder, salt, spices, and a little flour in big bowl. Also mix. Add wet stuff to dry stuff. Mix again. Add a little milk if it doesn't look like muffin batter. If it looks too wet, go with more oatmeal. Always more oatmeal. Again, I really can't recommend the spices too highly. They're lovely.

Fill muffins tins with batter (mine made 6 muffins). Bake 6 minutes on 350 degrees. Take out, top half of them with oatmeal (half of your friends like crunchy stuff on their muffin and half don't. Its science.) Put back in for 8ish minutes, depending your oven's level of ghetto and how fast it turns stuff into edible food.

Nom nom made up pumpkin oatmeal muffins.

THE EASIEST MUFFINS EVER

For realz. They’re fool proof.

1 ripe banana stolen from your dining hall

1 egg with enough milk to bring the total volume to 1 cup

1/2 cup butter (1 stick)

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 1/2 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

Mix all ingredients together. You’re supposed to use a mixer at medium speed, but we didn’t have that sort of technology. Mashing with a fork works just as well, provided the butter has softened a little bit and the banana is ripe. Mix well, and pour into muffin cups or whatever they’re called in a muffin pan. You want the muffin-cup-things to be about 2/3 full so they won’t overflow. Bake at 350 for about 12-15 minutes, or until nicely golden brown on top.

You can also convince people you know multiple muffin recipes by messing around with this one. Use whole wheat flour, or add chocolate chips or walnuts. If you mix a couple of tablespoons of dry oatmeal with cinnamon and sugar, you can sprinkle it on top before you bake it. Sometimes I sprinkle sugar on top just so they sparkle.