JUICE CUSE ORANGE-GINGER CHICKEN

Crackden is making a concerted effort to include real-life recipes, not just our typical alcohol-laced-chocolate-filled-emotional-eating sort of recipes. THAT SAID, what is a girl to do when her roommates all have plans but you don’t just want... soup.... for dinner? 

Well, naturally, I started by burning the Rice-a-roni. Because I can make Ratatouille from scratch (I should do this for you guys, it’s yummy), but fuck if I can ever get the boxed pasta to work. But, while that was smoking on the stove, I invented some really good Asian-ish chicken to accompany my solo Grey’s Anatomy marathon. Improvise, but try to get the following, and obviously adjust amounts if you actually have friends.

1 chicken breast

about 3/4 cup flour

half a spoonful ginger powder

1 or 2 cloves of garlic (personal preference)

sprinkle red pepper flakes

a few tablespoons sesame seed oil (totes worth getting if you do Asian food at all, otherwise whatever oil you’ve got)

a few tablespoons soy sauce

about 1/2 cup orange juice

...and I had pineapple juice, so I threw that in there, too

oil for frying

peppers or broccoli or whatever veggies you enjoy

Look at the size of this mofo. A lonely girl could be fed for a week!

For the sake of our cooking philosophy, I’m going to reiterate that measuring is way less important than taste testing. Loosen up, people.

Dice the chicken and throw it in a bowl with the flour, using your hands to coat each piece evenly, and let it sit for a minute before you throw it in the pan to start frying. Waiting helps the breading “set” and not fall off during cooking. I can’t remember if I read that somewhere, or if I made it up, but it can’t hurt.

While it’s frying, grab another bowl and add your ginger, garlic, and red pepper. Do NOT accidently dump the entire pepper thing in, because this, believe me, will make it waaaaay spicier than you originally intended. Mix in your oil, followed by the rest of the ingredients (except veggies). Taste test, and adjust to your liking.

When your chicken is cooked, remove it from the pan and throw your sauce in there on high heat. It will bubble a lot, and should get thicker pretty fast. If, after a few minutes, it’s still too runny, beat in a cornstarch/water or flour/butter mixture.

When it thickens up, reduce heat and add your chicken and veggies, mixing well to coat. When vegetables are suitably cooked, transfer to a plate and marvel at your own genius. Enjoy Grey’s, and don’t worry, your roommates will be home soon.

I remembered to take picturessssssss

KPAK LIQUID HAPPINESS

Every once in awhile, the Kpak gets really mysterious and starts asking weird questions. "Do we have triple sec? Do you like kiwis?" I follow Kpak blindly in all respects, so I never question.

Anyway, apparently kiwis not in season in February, who woulda guessed? Instead, get the following:

Jose
triple sec
pineapple juice
simple syrup (sugar and water)
blackberries/raspberries

Magic bullet about half a cup of berries, and dump the puree into a pitcher along with a healthy splash of simple syrup. Fill about half full with pineapple juice, then the rest of it with mostly tequila and some triple sec. Throw in some ice cubes, stir that up, and serve. I mean... adjust the tequila to suit your needs.

Kpak commented later that she shoulda strained out all the berry-bits, this is a recurring theme with her, but we love her dearly. And Bufe likes pulp, so things are good.

blackberry+raspberry+tequila=!!!

QUICK TACO FUN

This one's gonna be really short, just a little somethin to show off this Parents' Weekend and convince the 'rents that you cook like a grown-up now.

Well, and by "cook like a grown-up," I mean start with a trip to Leo O'Donovan Dining Hall and swipe a couple cereal bowls, which are wonderfully ceramic and oven-proof, not to mention the perfect size. Pick up a package of flour tortillas (not the super huge ones, the fajita size). Preheat the oven to 375 and Pam your bowl, then put the tortilla inside and poke at it until it looks pretty and presentable. Bake for about 15-20 minutes, or until the top just barely starts to brown.

The Leos bowl is hot because it was in an oven, so don't do anything stupid when you remove your tortilla bowl and let it sit to fully harden. While this is going on, do whatever taco-things you want. I made margarita chicken, but you can go with some sort of salad or just ground beef stuff.

SHOW OFF. The $200,000 education has definitely paid off.

I swear to God that's a thumbs-up back there. And that's a margarita down in the corner.

rejection cookies. healthy rejection cookies.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Wow Kilbride. WOMP. To which I say, you knew you were reading a cooking blog written by college seniors in the height of their job-seeking neurosis. So deal with it. That said, I wanted to make healthy rejection cookies because unemployed and fat is just too much for me to handle. And we descend on the Dominican in 34 days. Wallowing in self pity is no excuse to use more butter than Paula Dean. As such, I give thee: healthy rejection cookies. In all lower case because you're sad and without job.

Scavenge & secure:

1 cup Whole wheat flour
little baking powder
little salt
1 cup instant oats
1/2 stick butter
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup white sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar
little vanilla
egg
a rejection-appropriate amount of chocolate chips

You know how this works. All the dry stuff (first part of the list thru the oats) goes in a medium bowl. Soften the butter in a big bowl in the microwave, add oil, sugars, vanilla, and the egg. Mix til its all smooth and such. Add in all the dry stuff, taking time to appreciate how healthy you are despite your propensity for life-long failure. And hyperbole.

rejection. now with fewer calories.

Once its all mixed add in unseemly amounts of chocolate chips. Which you can do because your saintly roommate stocked up during last week's string of rejections. Old rejected selves lookin out for new rejected selves. Classic.

Eat most of the cookie dough. Bake whats left for 15ish minutes on 350 degrees. Pass out to roomies, accept their assurance that rejection cookies are yummy. Small victories.

peace.love.summerhousing2012herewecome

THE SECOND BEST THING I EVER DID

The first thing I can’t talk about on the internet.

Anyway, Erin and I have been trolling cooking blogs for weeks trying to find something worthy of posting up on crackden, and we finally did: brown butter. It’s a huge deal in the world of internet kitchens, and quite yummy. And then I mixed it with more yummy things and boom, cookies. Round up the following:

1 stick butter
3/4 brown sugar
1 egg
little splash of vanilla
big splash of rum (spiced, of course)
1 cup plus 1 spoonful flour, with dash salt and baking soda
LOTS of cinnamon, like unscrew the top and dump
slightly less nutmeg and ginger
ground cardamom if you have it, cardamom pods (?) if you don’t

So first, you gotta make the brown butter. Which you do like anything else you brown, actually. Dump the stick of butter into a frying pan, and stir kinda a lil bit so it browns evenly. It gets kinda frothy at first, but if you look at it in the spoon it goes from yellow to kinda golden brown and smells delicious. Once it’s golden, pour it into your mixing bowl and let it cool down. At this point, if you have whole cardamom put 3 or 4 into the butter to extract the flavor (SCIENCE, ERIN), but if you have ground cardamom just wait til you do the other spices. For the love of god, take the cardamom pods out before you mix the rest of the stuff in.

When it hits about room temperature, whip in the brown sugar, and then the egg, vanilla, and rum. Gradually mix in the 1 cup of flour with salt and baking soda. In a the measuring cup or a small bowl, mix together the other spoonful of flour, plus a heaping spoonful of cinnamon and healthy amounts of nutmeg and ginger (and ground cardamom, if that’s what you’re using).


Refrigerate the cookie dough for a little bit, approximately the length of one pong game, and then drop by spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet and bake for 13-14ish minutes in a 325 degree oven. Then nom away!

In defense of their deliciousness (and possibly my roommates’ propensity for drunk food), I offer the following: the plate of cookies was empty this morning when I woke up :)

THE CHEESER

Its simple. Its understated. It may or may not be laced with crack. But you know what? Sometimes the best things are.

Misleadingly elegant portrayal of the cheeser.

Ingredients:

-- Pillsbury crescent rolls (the dough, still stuck together, uncooked)

-- 8oz block of cream cheeze (the full fat kind. Seriously you can't use reduced fat. I know I struggled with it too. You'll be okay)

-- Wheat Thins (these can be reduced fat. in fact they should be cause you're about to eat a block of cream cheese you fatty)

Prepare yourself to be loved. Seriously.

Roll out the crescent rolls on a baking sheet. Put the block of cream cheese in the center of the dough lengthwise. Press down on it with your fingers to make it a bit wider (wider = more cheeser in your future). Take the left and right sides of the dough and cover the cream cheese, meeting in the middle. You should have about 2-3 extra inches of dough at the other 2 ends, make that neat and fold it on top. So you have a little cheeser present.

Bake at 350 til it looks like a cheeser. I don't know exactly how else to say it, but it take like 12-15ish. The dough should be cooked (the top will be the last part to fully cook, so watch that), but it should still be soft. You don't want to cook the dough til its flaky the way crescent rolls are supposed to be though cause then they'll separate AND LIFE WILL BE AWFUL FOR YOU.

Immediately transfer to a plate using 2 spatulas, put Wheat Thins on either side. The cheeser will be eaten by hand, using the Wheat Thins.  Now be careful, cause this next part is tricky. Cautiously approach living room and place cheeser on coffee table, pull back hands immediately or you WILL get bitten.

The cheeser does things to people. Messy things.

But it is beautiful. I swear. And it makes life good.

Photos © Beegs & Sugarloaf

HAMBURGER CAKE

In honor of Danny coming down to Georgetown next week, we’re gonna give him another recipe shout-out, cause that’s how we show affection :)Danny turned old this summer, and Eclaire and I wanted to give him a birthday cake that rivaled his bacon bouquet.

We tried all versions of “meat” and “cake” that Google had to offer, and briefly contemplated a bacon-dark chocolate cake before deciding to go in a hamburgerly direction. This hamburger cake requires the following:

2 cake-in-a-boxes, maybe one yellow and one chocolate, and associated eggs, oil, etc
food coloring- yellow, green, red
chocolate chips
1 tup white icing, 1 tub chocolate icing

Mix up your cakes. You need two normal round cake pans and a metal bowl that can be baked, about the same diameter as your cake pan. Fill one cake pan a little over half-ish with chocolate for the patty. Fill the other cake pan full with yellow cake mix, and fill the bowl with all the cake mix you have left. This is a bun. Bake. Gonna take a bit longer for the bun, so just keep an eye on them.

While everything is cooling, put a heaping spoonful of white icing into each of three ziplock bags for decorating. Add food coloring so you get ketchup, lettuce, and sesame seed colors. To make bun color, I suggest adding a spoonful or so of chocolate to the white icing and then maybe a few drops of yellow. Go slowly, cause it’s really hard to fix if you make it too dark. Using a blender/magic bullet/knife and patience, grate up a heaping half cup of chocolate chips and stir them into the chocolate icing. Mmmm.... meat.

Now all you have to do is decorate! Start with the bottom bun, and work your way up. In this picture, we used colored corn syrup for ketchup, but that shit’s outta control.